‘Both of our children deserve my attention.’
Alex was three years old when he was diagnosed with neuroblastoma that had spread to other parts of his body in October 2025. From that moment on, much of family life revolved around his treatment and care. But Alex also has an older sister, Angelina. How do you make sure she gets the attention she needs during such an intense time? Their mother, Charissa, shares how she and her husband Rakesh are finding what works for their family.
My name is Charissa (33). I am the mother of Alex (3) and Angelina (5), and the wife of Rakesh (42). Until last year, I was a workaholic trying to cram 60 hours of work into a 32-hour workweek. I work as a regional health policy advisor.
In October 2025, Alex was diagnosed with metastatic neuroblastoma. What started with a fever and a loss of appetite suddenly turned into being unable to walk and unexpectedly falling asleep. My worst nightmare became a reality.
From that moment on, everything revolved around treatments, hospital stays and caring for Alex. At the same time, there was another child who needed us just as much.
I did not choose for this to happen, but I did consciously choose to have two children. Both deserve my attention. Yet I was mostly with my son, and my daughter had to spend more and more time without me. She only wanted to be with Dad, while Alex only wanted to be with Mom. That hurt.
A simple question from a friend made me think: ‘How do you manage this with two children? Do you take turns?’ It sounded like a good idea. I was living on autopilot so much that I could not think of solutions myself.
Taking good care of yourself
That is how we started taking turns. While my husband was with Alex at the Máxima Center, I could be at home. I could take our daughter to school, exercise, take a shower while the Indian chai simmered on the stove, and go grocery shopping. Then we would switch places at the Máxima Center.
I noticed that my being away for half a day made little difference to Alex. But for my own health, it made an enormous difference. Only then did I realize how important self-care is.
Keeping a sense of family
I also tried to stick to our routines as much as possible. School days and after-school care days remained school days and after-school care days. On Fridays, we had a ‘family sleepover’ at the Máxima Center. It was busy and chaotic, but that was exactly what helped us maintain a sense of family. On Sundays, our daughter always slept at home. That regular routine gave her a sense of calm and predictability.
One valuable tip from the Princess Máxima Center was to intentionally plan one-on-one time with our daughter. It did not have to be anything big. Walking home together, reading a book or painting our nails was often enough.
To make that possible, I had to learn to ask for help. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I asked the parents of one of her classmates if I could sometimes drop our daughter off as early as seven in the morning. Looking back, there was no need to feel embarrassed. Because other people helped from time to time, we had more room for valuable moments together.
This system also had a downside. There was little time left to really be together with my husband. We often saw each other only briefly when we switched caregiving duties, with a kiss, a hug and another WhatsApp message later that evening. Because of that, we learned to appreciate the small moments together even more.
What works for your family?
Of course, our system will not work for every family. Circumstances, distances and options vary. But one thing remains the same: you can look for what works for your family. You can do things differently. You can keep it small. And every attempt to keep making time for both children is already a victory.