‘When someone asked, but how are you doing?’

‘I couldn't believe it’

It was summer vacation. Tess's younger sister Lise was extremely tired. Tess went with her to the hospital for a blood test. ‘We were already on our way home when our family doctor called. Lise had severe anemia and had to go back to the hospital. My mom and dad went with her. I stayed home with my grandma. I was sitting on the couch when I heard that Lise had cancer.’

Tess remembers her first thought exactly: ‘How is this possible? Just yesterday, we were climbing together at a treetop adventure park.’

Suddenly, life looked completely different. ‘Those first few weeks were really strange. I watched Lise get sicker. Sometimes we had to leave places early because she was tired or needed to throw up. All of a sudden, nothing was the same anymore.’

Always being there for Lise

Tess and Lise are only a year and a half apart and have always been close. ‘We're quite different, and that's actually what makes it fun. We can laugh so hard together that we can't stop.’

When Lise became ill, the sisters grew even closer. ‘We've actually become more like friends now. We know each other even better.’

Tess wanted to help her little sister as much as possible. ‘At first, whenever Lise needed something, I'd immediately run to get it. If she wanted something to drink, I'd go get it. I just really wanted her to be okay.’

Tess went along to the Máxima Center whenever she could.

But Tess also noticed that she sometimes forgot about her own needs. ‘For example, I'd do something because Lise wanted to, even though I actually wanted to do something else.’

Being seen and heard, too

Naturally, a lot of attention went to Lise. That's why Tess still remembers certain small moments so clearly.

Tess did her homework at the Máxima Center and practiced Spanish with a volunteer. ‘Whenever the volunteer ran into me at the center, she'd always ask how things were going at school, and we'd chat a little in Spanish. I really liked that because she always made time for me.’

A nurse also made a lasting impression on her. ‘She didn't just ask about Lise. She really looked at me and asked, ‘How are you doing?’ You go through so much as the brother or sister of a child with cancer. It's nice that there's attention for that, too.’

Quieter than usual

At first, Tess found it difficult to talk about how Lise's illness affected her. ‘I kept a lot to myself. I was quieter than usual, and my parents noticed that, too.’

Gradually, Tess discovered that talking helped. ‘Luckily, I can talk openly with my mom, dad, grandpa and grandma. But I had to learn how to do that. In the beginning, I hardly talked about it.’

Her friends were important, too. ‘My best friends have known Lise for a long time. Some friends invited me along when they were doing something fun, like going to a trampoline park. That really helped me.’

Not everyone always understood what was happening. ‘Sometimes people would say things like, ‘It's not that bad, is it?’ Or, ‘She'll be better soon.’ That really annoyed me. It's hard to explain what you're going through.’

Keep doing the things you enjoy

Besides talking, continuing to do the things she enjoys also helps Tess.

‘Gymnastics, and chatting with my friends during practice. It was so nice that I could keep doing that. When I was there, I could take my mind off how Lise was doing for a while.’

That's also the advice Tess wants to give other brothers and sisters. ‘Don't just take care of your brother or sister. Take care of yourself, too. That's hard, and it took me a while to learn how to do that.’

At home, the family also makes a conscious effort to spend enjoyable time together. During those moments, Tess can forget her sad thoughts for a while.

Wiser and more independent

One of Tess's favorite memories is the special day she shared with her friends and family through Make-A-Wish. ‘A limousine picked us up. We had such a fun day at a riding stable. We went horseback riding, threw paint at a canvas, and sometimes a little at my friends, too! Afterward, we all went out for dinner at an all-you-can-eat restaurant. We laughed and had fun together all day.’

Tess also remembers Lise's elementary school graduation celebration. ‘There she was, standing on stage. I was so proud of her.’

Tess has noticed how much the past few years have changed her. ‘I've become wiser and more independent. I've been through so much in such a short time.’

She has also learned not to forget about herself. ‘Talk to people you trust, and keep playing sports or doing things you enjoy. It helps you stay true to yourself.’

And there's something Tess wants to say to Lise: ‘I'm so incredibly proud of you.’

Lise rang the bell in September. She will continue to have follow-up appointments at the Máxima Center over the coming years, with blood tests becoming less frequent over time. She is still recovering physically, often feels tired and is working on rebuilding her muscle strength.

And Lise and Tess are going out together in their village again, just like other kids their age.

At the Máxima Center, we care not only for the child who is ill, but for the entire family. Having a brother or sister with cancer can also have a major impact on siblings. That's why we give them opportunities to share their experiences, ask questions and meet other siblings. We do this, for example, through our special day and week for siblings, the Op Koers Online program, and a dedicated page for brothers and sisters on our website.